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it reminds me of someone I used to know.

hey you, my friend

was it right to leave

do you feel better without me

behind closed doors and burned bridges ?

one way or another, I can´t return

I can never return.

But I still remember

how wonderful your world was

(I stand alone - Quest of Camelot)

I can´t stop now

I touched you once and I couldn´t take my fingers off your skin

We have crossed the line.

This is our point of no return

come and see

these little cracks in our world

Nothing will be like it used to be

Our path is predestined

I will seduce you

and I will dissapear.

(I won´t say I´m in love - Disney´s Hercules)

Me: "Good night. I hope there will be spring, when I wake up."
Him: "Good luck with that. I will endure this winter for both of us."

"Milovala jsi ho?"
"Na to jsem se snažila přijít celý život."

Saraband - Ingmar Bergman

Bergman´s Fanny and Alexander.

"I have somethimes wondered
if there wasn´t something very wrong with my feelings.
I couldn´t understand why nothing really hurt,
why I never felt really happy."

"...Everything is alive,
amd everything is God and God´s thought.
Not only good things, but the cruellest too.
What do you think?

If there is a God,then he´s a shit,
and I would like to kick him in the butt."

"Máš rakovinu duše.
Budeš potřebovat operaci a ozařování.
Máš všude nádory.
Zemřeš hroznou smrtí."


"Obávám se ponížení.
Je to nikdy nekončící utrpení.
Smířil jsem se s ponížením,
a teď se v něm topím."

Bergman a jeho říznutí do živého.
Bergman a jeho Náruživost.

Before I fall asleep
I imagine you
in my arms.

(The Birthday Massacre - To Die For)

Me: Sometimes I want to shout you down, overwhelm you with words, but I can´t say anything!

Him: You had better shout me down now.

Me: : D
No.

Him: I have been waiting quite long for you to do it, and I would be waiting all the more so, now when I know that you want to do it.

Him: (And I am looking forward to it.)

Me: Good night.

It seems like you have forgotten, how it used to be. Let me refresh your memory.
There are my remorse.

I was so silly, so weak. And mainly, masochistic. Suddenly there was someone, who can hurt me and give me a reason to suffer, to experience this repressed, hidden pain in me. We have something in common - we destructively hate ourselves.

I adored you and you was so pleased with this passionate interest. Finally there was someone, for whom you desired. Someone, who accepted your sadistic mask and someone who allowed you to play with.

Permanent strict monitoring of every word I said. Combination of contempt and proving of predominance. Purposeful causing of fear and anxiety. Manipulating. Thump, thump, thump. And you can´t say that you were only protecting your heart...

But I am grateful. Thanks to you I am much stronger, than I used to be. I became cruel. Now I can hurt deeply without regrets, when someone cross border. Don't take it lightly.


But you have changed your behavior, unbelievably. Now you are so kind to me! So kind, that I would trust you, if I don´t know, what you are capable of.

And I am still longing for being close to you, after all. One way or another, it was me who allowed you to hurt me. And this fact reduces the weight of my letter.


Yours Breathless

I´m fading away, when I can´t sense you
But still I´m so afraid to call you
so wordless.

I hate myself for wanting you to soothe all my stupid unimportant little ache.
Yes, I think that I don´t deserve you
That the only thing that you love about me is that fact, that you don´t have to feel your loneliness anymore...

I was waiting for someone like you.
For someone to fulfill this sleeping place in my heart
with it´s presence

I said in my mind:
"I would love to sit with you in front of the fireplace
at some warm, windy autumn night
have some wine and read some intellectual books
and disturb each other with our citation..."

I know, we are so close sometimes, that it scares.
Our thoughts are threading
It looks like we are connected now.

Yes, that was little different declaration of love. *mirthless smile*

Marilyn Manson - If I Was Your Vampire

You´re so important for me.
It´s too late for me to leave
I promise, I will be trying hard not to break us
Not to hurt you in any way.

It hurts so much, when you love somebody!
I want to embrace you
I want to rip my heart out of my body and throw it before you.

(Peha - Tieňohra)

I have grown up thanks to you.
But it was hard school, I can tell you.

You had made me a fighter.

(TRUSTcompany - Downfall)

Řekl:

"V tichém pokoji krb vyhasl ze soucitu
K malé vločce ležící na chvojí
Mráz kouzlí krajky jako z aksamitu
Halí se v páry závoji

Leží sama, bez tepla a zvuku
Však přiblížit se k ní bojím
Jeden dotek roztříští ji,
Zůstal by sen nad schojím"

(Midnight dancers)

I´m not your Beatrice
I will take a piece of You
with me.

(Nox Arcana - Lullaby)

This blog is dedicated to King of spades.

It´s a present for him,

so that he could remember our past and me more lively.

My official non-poems are hidden in another place.

With love

W.